Tiny Dinosaur

2 years, 3 months, 15 days old

This week has continued the theme of Arwen saying grown up things that sound ridiculous when uttered by a two year old. As we left Quarry Bank Mill today, as well as shouting “Bye!”, “See you soon!” and various other phrases to Granpa, she also decided to add “Nice to see you” in a rather formal manner as he walked away. I’m surprised she didn’t offer to shake his hand, too. Mind you, he also got in trouble today. When he pretended to try and steal her cousin’s shortbread, an eagle-eyed Arwen looked scandalised and shouted “It not yours!” She’s very clear on the rules of property ownership.

She’s also clear on her taste in music. As well as loving the Jeremy Vine Show jingle, on Tuesday she was in the car and Yazz’s 1988 classic The Only Way Is Up came on. This led Arwen to nod her head to the beat, repeatedly point her finger in the air like every drunk man at every gig ever and declare it a “bangin choon”. We’ve also made, which we may well come to regret, a playlist with songs she likes and have been putting it on throughout the week. Which meant when I was trying to get her pyjamas on this evening, she was just bouncing around shouting “Bare cessities!” And her necessities definitely were bare.

As ever, there have been words and phrases this week that appear to have come from nowhere. Quite why she spent Friday afternoon shouting “Piddle!” I’ve no idea, nor have I any idea where the following conversation I had with her just now, when trying to get her to sleep, came from:

A: What big dinosaur called?

Me: A tyrannosaurus rex.

A: Tysaurus rex. What little dinosaur called?

Me: Erm, a velociraptor?

A: Lossiraptor. What tiny dinosaur on our roof called?

Me: Eh?

And as always, this week has also involved Arwen teaching us things we really should, as adults, already know. Yesterday as we drove down the road, a police car went past, with its siren and lights going. Arwen shouted excitedly, as she always does, “Flashing lights!” I clarified for her that it was a police car. She then told me angrily “No, it a car police car.” When I seemed bemused by this, she happily explained “That a car police car.” And that was the end of that. But her most obvious explanation came on Thursday when I was immensely stupid. I heard a bang from Arwen’s bedroom and a bit of a cry. I went in and she told me she’d hurt herself. So I did the obvious thing and asked where she’d hurt herself. She stared me straight in the eye with a look that made it clear I was an imbecile before saying simply “On the floor.” And once more, a two year old made me feel like an absolute moron.

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