Minor Blasphemy

1 year, 11 months, 5 days old

It’s odd coming to type this blog without first logging into Arwen’s word list and writing down what she’s learnt this week, but I’ve decided to stop adding words to it. I figured I had to stop at some point, otherwise when would it end? Would I be asking her to pass over her glossaries when she’s at university? Telling her to ring me every time she learns something at work or reads a new word in a book and looks it up? I had to stop eventually, and 500 words seems a sensible point. It’s enough words to write a short story. A very disjointed short story with lots of words related to bums.

So Arwen’s spent this week becoming ever more northern. On Thursday morning I opened the curtains in her bedroom and she told me it was “bright”. When I agreed with her that it was indeed bright, she lay back down in bed and shouted “Ow, me eyes!!!” And because that wasn’t quite northern enough, today while out for a bike ride I pointed out that it while we weren’t expecting a great day because of the weather forecast, it was surprisingly warm. Arwen responded with a considered “Ooh, in’t it?” She’ll be putting the big light on while wearing a flat cap and telling kids to “pack it in!” at this rate.

She’s also been working hard on giving commands this week. A couple of days ago I had a yogurt covered spoon handed to me with the words “Spoon wash kitchen” while being pointed in the direction of the kitchen in case she wasn’t quite clear enough, and today I was told “Nappy poo poo. Change it. Smelly.” Though she isn’t always quite that forceful (presumably she realised that there was no way I was going near that smell without being ordered to.) Rather than telling me on Tuesday that she wanted the music turning down, she simply looked at me crossly and said “Too loud” and by Wednesday, she’d learnt to be much more polite as once I’d helped her wash her hands in the bathroom, she gently told me “Ok. Now the door.”

But just when you think she’s extra clever for having learnt various negotiation tactics, she’s also this week tried to count all her toes while biting her own toenails and looked puzzled when she only got to five, and had hiccups and told me she had “buttercups”, so it’s a learning curve. And then there was the time she terrified the poor cat when, being used to using her own child-sized lead to walk Nana’s dog, she shouted “Cat lead!” while grabbing the cat’s tail. Now that could have ended spectacularly badly.

As for inappropriate words, we’ve done really well this week, with only one mishap. When she was on the loo a couple of nights ago, she wanted me to help her count the buttons on her pyjamas, so I foolishly reached over to start pointing to them when the inevitable happened. She’s got good at splashing people with her wee, but the force with which this one hit my hand took even Arwen by surprise given the volume of her”JESUS!!!” But that minor blasphemy is the only incident of naughty language we’ve had all week. Or at least it was until this afternoon when Daddy got in the wrong lane and Arwen copied his realisation with a resounding “Oh tits!”

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